I work in an on-campus coffee shop in grad school. One of my coworkers has recently graduated from the college, and our boss thinks that makes him worthy of promotion to a position that means he orders our inventory.
Coworker: “I’m trying to do inventory, but I can’t order [item] by the gallon. How does [Boss] usually do it?”
Me: “I’m not sure. Let me see what you’re doing.”
Coworker: “It’s forcing me to do 128 fluid ounces! That’s two gallons!”
Me: “No, that’s a gallon.”
Coworker: “No, a gallon is 64 ounces.”
Me: “Okay, so it’s 8 ounces to a cup, yes?
Coworker: “Sure.”
Me: “So, 2 cups make a pint, 2 pints make a quart, and 4 quarts make a gallon.”
Coworker: “So… that’s…?”
Me: “That’s 128 ounces.”
Coworker: “I see where you’re coming from, but you’re still wrong.”
Me: “So, you’re saying that you understand the facts, but you don’t believe in them.”
Coworker: “Look, I’ve graduated, and you’re a freshman. I know what I’m doing.”
Me: “I’ll leave you to it, then.”
When my boss is back a week later and asks me if I know why inventory is f***ed…
Me: “Ask [Coworker] and his alternative facts.”
